Author's Note: The Blue writing is Miranda, the brown is Hannah… hopefully it’s clear who is talking. (We do tend to talk over eachother).
Hurt. There are a lot of different types of hurt that happen in life. Lately, Hannah and I have both faced the kind of hurt that leaves a mark. The ones that lasts for a while, and ends up influencing our lives.
Reaction. There are many ways that people react to hurt. Miranda and I both react very differently when facing a painful situation. One example is in the way we view pain and deal with it. Miranda will view hurt as something to understand. She is a peacemaker. This means she will work to make people happy by explaining and understanding the issue at hand. * When they are not she feels an obligation that is heavier than the hurt itself. I, on the other hand, view pain as something to go through. As simple as that. I carry the burden on my back and see it as my own personal struggle. I will act like I am fine and may even talk about it, but will leave my emotions out. I don’t comfortably share my pain with others unless I feel emotionally received.
Obviously, both of our cases represent a very diverse response to hurt/grieving. We also respond very differently when dealing with another person who is grieving. When going into a situation where I know someone is hurt, I will observe their mannerisms and body language. If they act happy, I will assume they are at a point where they are at peace. I also assume that if they want to talk about the pain, they will do so at their own free will. I give them space, and don’t want to invade their emotional “territory”. Hannah, on the other hand, will ask direct questions about the situation. She gets them to open up and talk about how they are feeling. She won’t ask if she should call or if they want to talk, she just does. Both ways are helpful and valid methods in helping others.
Although both methods are great, friendships/relationships get to a certain point where we need to understand the other’s method. Otherwise someone’s needs may not be reached and the friendship can or will hit a wall. We have had to smash into this wall in order to understand that we both have no clue what the other person needs in order to help them heal. What helped us was to communicate. We had to talk about what ways help us best when dealing with hurt.
When we use our own methods, it does help the other person. We just need to make sure we also incorporate the other’s way of expressing pain as well. I sometimes need to be left alone to figure things out in order to understand my emotions. Miranda needs to be asked hard questions sometimes to be given a different perspective into her feelings. However, I need just as much to be drawn out by questions and be emotionally supported as Miranda needs to go on a rant and just be listened to. This is because this is our natural way of dealing with our circumstances and as her best friend, I want to understand this. I am sure she feels the same way towards me…. right?**
In conclusion, what helps the most is being honest and communicating to one another about how we feel. Also, taking a step back from ourselves and our own pain. Honestly, Hannah had to confront me about how I dealt with her pain and how it made her feel. I hadn’t been there for her like she needed me to be. I needed to shut up and just listen for a bit. It’s never easy being confronted, but I know that it’s done with love. What I’m even more thankful about is that, it not only helped me understand Hannah better, but it also helped me reach out to another friend who is like her.
And from her response to me, my respect for Miranda went way up. I have a problem with communicating what I need. The way Miranda was open to learning and humbly accepting what I was saying helped me feel more comfortable talking to her about my needs. She never said I was wrong, but tried to understand as much as she could. I was being honest and in return feel I understand Miranda much more and she understands me.Through all of this, we have begun to see through each other’s eyes more clearly.
*(Miranda wants everyone to know that she is not a suck up or a people pleaser… those people drive her crazy).
**(Miranda wants everyone to know that she does).
